I’m putting this out there because I’m genuinely stuck, and I’m hoping some of you have been where I am and can offer some wisdom.

Here’s my situation: I’m in my 30s, married with three young kids, and I work from home in northwest Ohio. On paper, my life is full—and in many ways it is. But I’m also dealing with some significant loneliness and isolation that I can’t seem to shake.

I have a couple of old friends who live in other states, and I’ve built up some online acquaintances over the years, but when it comes to real, local, in-person friendships? I’m coming up short. And it’s affecting me more than I necessarily thought it would.

The Perfect Storm of Friendship Challenges

Looking back, I can see how I ended up here. Most of my meaningful friendships throughout my adult life formed around two main contexts: education and church. I had college friends, seminary friends, and PhD student friends. I connected with fellow parishioners and other ministers. These were natural communities where relationships could develop organically.

But life has shifted a lot. I left my PhD program, resigned from active ministry in my denomination, and switched careers to work as a full-time software engineer. While my family still attends church and I’ve made some acquaintances there, I haven’t developed any close friendships yet.

Add to this the fact that I work from home (which I genuinely love, but it eliminates those casual workplace connections), and I’m dealing with anxiety and depression (currently working with a therapist and on medication). As an introvert with some social anxiety, large or loud social events aren’t particularly appealing to me, which eliminates a lot of the typical “just put yourself out there” advice.

And then there’s the elephant in the room: the current political and social climate. I’m genuinely stressed about the direction our country is heading—the slide toward authoritarianism, the constant barrage of troubling news. Now, I’m not looking for friendships that revolve around politics, but I also don’t want to feel like I have to completely hide my real concerns about what’s happening in the world. The challenge is that when you’re meeting new people, you have no idea where they stand on these issues at first, and discovering a fundamental mismatch in worldview can be… well, awkward, to put it mildly. It adds another layer of complexity (or an excuse to just not try!) to what’s already a difficult process.

What I’m Looking For

I’m not entirely sure what the answer is, but I know what I’m hoping for: genuine, local friendships with people I can actually spend time with in person. I’d love to find people who share some of my interests—books and reading, tools and home repair, auto work, DIY projects, shooting, coffee, craft beer, soccer, running. I’m hoping to get more into woodworking and pickleball too.

I’m primarily thinking about individual friendships, though my family could also use some family friends—other parents dealing with similar life stages and challenges.

Where I’m Asking for Help

So here’s where you come in. If you’ve navigated similar challenges, I’d love to hear your advice:

  • How do you make genuine friends as an adult, especially when your previous social contexts have disappeared?
  • What’s worked for you as an introvert trying to build meaningful connections?
  • Are there specific strategies that work well for parents with young kids?
  • How do you balance the need for friendship with the reality of anxiety and limited social energy?
  • Any northwest Ohio folks reading this who want to grab coffee and commiserate about how hard adult friendship can be? :)

I’m not looking for surface-level networking or forced social situations. I’m looking for the kind of friendships where you can text someone when you’re having a rough day, or call when you need help with a project, or just hang out without it feeling like work.

Maybe I’m being too idealistic, or maybe I need to adjust my expectations. But I figure there have to be other people out there dealing with similar stuff, right?

If you’ve got thoughts, advice, or even just want to share your own friendship struggles, I’d love to hear from you in the comments or drop me a line. Sometimes just knowing you’re not alone in something makes it a little easier to figure out.

Thanks for reading, and thanks in advance for any wisdom you’re willing to share.